Going Through The (E)motions

Photograph by Debby Hudson

Dealing with what is on our emotional plates instead of pushing it around or trying to hide it

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Were you the kind of kid who didn’t want the different foods on your plate to touch? I hear you. Or were you the kind who pushed around the things you didn’t want to eat trying to make it look like you ate it? Maybe you were more stealth and either fed the dog or shoved it into a table napkin to make it magically disappear? Now imagine that instead of food, you are pushing your emotions around, trying to disguise them or make them go away. 

Do you catch yourself editing your feelings? It’s almost like somewhere along the way we learned to present ourselves to the world in a certain way — and it had to fit into a certain box. And if it didn’t…quick, hide it! But this is how we forgot what it was like to tell the truth…to share our vulnerabilities and to be kind to ourselves in the process.

In the last newsletter I cracked the vault to some of my own recent trials and tribulations. I barely outlined the details and yet I felt like I was standing naked in the road for all to see. It was such a leap of faith for me and actually it was a leap of faith in you. 

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you for showing up for me…for creating a space where I could fall into and be comforted and supported and loved — and brave enough to tiptoe into.

The emails and messages that came in were the most delicious hugs, especially in this darn time of COVID when we are all seriously in need of some hugging. 

But I must admit, after pressing send on that newsletter I almost felt panicked thinking…OMG, what have I done? It felt negative and maybe even a little bit whiney…there are people enduring so much more pain than me. Buck up!

By now you know I am a woman of faith. I pray all the time…for me, you, the planet — the whole lot of us. But this is where it gets tricky. We can confuse faith with passivity. We can confuse trust with ‘just think happy thoughts’. We can confuse defending ourselves and what we know to be true with being over-indulgent. And then we top it all off with shaming ourselves.

Pain, discomfort and personal evolution are not to be quantified or held up against that of another.

We each experience what we need to experience along this life journey. It finally took sitting with two best friends and crying about all I’ve been enduring, all that has built up and all that I was stuffing down beneath my smiles — to acknowledge that I can be enraged, scared, grateful, exhausted, joyful and hopeful at the same time.

I see blessings all about. They are my lifeline, my north star that I hold onto fiercely. This community we created lives there. It’s like my reset. Each morning I return, no matter what is going on — I remember my WHY. Why I show up. Why this is so important. Why I love you so much. Why we need to keep nurturing ourselves with organic, vegan food. 

At the end of the day, we need to ask ourselves if we want to continue going through the motions or deal with the emotions?

As you can see…I’m learning this the hard way! While sitting in vulnerability is certainly not my comfort zone — I’m trying to refrain from judging and comparing it. I’m catching myself and I have a few in my inner circle reminding me when I’m ‘doing that’ again.

When feelings arise, I’m taking them by the hand, inviting them to sit and have a cup of tea and to ask them: What do you need? When did you start feeling this way? Who taught you this? And I plead, Show me what I can learn and heal from these feelings.

I don’t want to shove food (or emotions) around my plate anymore.

Find a safe place to allow your feelings to come forth — maybe it’s with a friend, or a beloved community like this one. Keep reaching for good feeling thoughts, people, food (you know where you can get that…wink!). Bask in the full moon, lay in the grass on a sunny afternoon, ground yourself any way you can. It all fortifies us to keep moving through whatever we have on our emotional plate. 

We’ve all got a lot coming up during this time which is why we need to be kinder to ourselves and each other. Ask yourself what is most important to you and protect it, hold it tight, hug it close — but remember to do it in your way, in your time, led by your heart. And if you do this, the rest will follow. The details will resolve, the energy will dissipate and you will be reminded just how magnificent you are. You CAN handle this, whatever this is. Don’t push it around the plate…just say, no thanks…I’m done with this.

— Lea Haas, Owner, The Garden Café Woodstock